Do you look forward? My good friend asked if I look forward to my next trip. I thought for a while. It feels a bit far away to think about my next trip. I look forward to starting my day when he asked. I look forward to meeting my favorite salon owner in Mas, meeting my good girlfriend from Perth over lunch, even scrubbing floor after my second washing machine moved to one of my shops this morning. That’s a good attitude! He continued. I thought again. Yea! Now I realize, it is a good attitude to be able to ‘look forward’ at any time in any circumstance. I’m happy! I am.

I stayed home yesterday since I looked forward to creating collage again in my nest. I was not that successful. I spent the day replying some important emails and being a ‘fixer’ to many things for my relatives. There are times that I end up helping out close ones to do things. I don’t mind if I can. In the end of the day, I only managed to create one collage. And, I’m not satisfied with my creation. Again, there are times…

This morning I had my monthly hilarious moment with my color stylist. It’s a good 90 minutes. Smart guy from Java. Funny, witty, and can talk about many topics. With him, I can always see issues from the fun part. And over lunch, my girlfriend I saw last time a year ago, shared about her new life back in Australia. I enjoyed seeing her sparkling. I followed her new stage of life the past two years so I’m happy to see it gets better every year. We giggled like schoolgirls. Two hours is not enough but enough! We’re happy to have met and will do again next week.

I stopped by my shop for a short while. So happy to see the new layout. It’s so fresh! Like decorating house, it needs time to see then put things. I’m excited. I’m satisfied with the progress I made. Now I look forward to my next trip the day after tomorrow!

My last creation for self.

Wow, I ticked so many things off today! I checked my bank again and only got bitter news that my device for internet banking can only be active after six workdays from last Tuesday! I saw my friend being locked out from his bank for almost a week for similar reason. Why do banks make such rules? Security or merely being slow?

I worked in Hanuman shop for a few hours. What relieves me is… I had a chance to meet my landlord finally! It’s about time to talk about the extension of the rent. I had become quite nervous not knowing her decision to let me continue or not. She once mentioned about starting a business herself after I finish renting the first term. Looking for a new space can be quite painful. Location, renovation, after haggling with rate. I prefer to do the easiest option that is extending.

Ibu was nice. We had nice chat about her health, her concern about her children’s business (her son is painter that hardly sells his work), and her plans to renovate parts of the compound. The chat was with a bit gossip about neighbors of course. This is part of a negotiation: listening. We rarely met and she was super nice to me the first time we met two years ago so I didn’t mind to sit longer to listen to her venting. Negotiating the rate was not that hard. We could meet mid way in minutes. Apparently, she really wanted to keep me as renter as long as I can. That is nice!

A big item ticked off!

I made another plan in the other shop. Selecting paintings to install in the other shop for a change. I want to give the shop a new nuance. Not past time but more contemporary! My staffs were so helpful as always in helping me realizing my plan. I appreciate them!

Like other workdays in Ubud, four hours is my all-day work! For one, for me to get from point A to B takes seconds. Literally! Ubud is in… now I’m not sure… low season? The traffic is still bearable. People work as slow so there’s nothing I can do to speed up. Look at the bank, the big institution also does the same. Here we have all the time to do things!

Before the day ended, I spent an hour gardening in the shower area! The creeper on the shower wall had grown quite wildly the past one month I was away. I don’t like cutting plants so what I did is tying the plants to tame its wildness. While doing so, I sprayed the floor with bleaching liquid to remove moss. I found it effective so that I don’t need to scrub hard. The anti-fungal agent works pretty well. So yes, I beautified my shower in an hour! Alfresco shower is the best! What a good life!

Recycled mouse I saw in UP Diliman, Manila.

Summer is here although the weather doesn’t say so. It’s December! It’s raining every day after midday till morning. The sun often looked so promising in the morning but do not believe in it! I had my laundry wet again because I thought the rain could wait. It could not!

So what’s other sign that summer has come? I’m booked up! Heavily. Email poured in asking about my schedule to be in… Ubud! Some have arranged weeks ago, some did impromptu. I don’t mind either way as long as it fits my schedule.

I met a family friend over lunch today. They stay in Nusa Dua for a week so it’s nice to see them here. Being in Ubud means two things for me: work and meet friends. I could not work today for a complicated reason. Tomorrow and the day after are going to be an all-day work before meeting a good friend from Australia on Friday. And I have a bigger plan for the weekend. A sleepover in Nusa Dua or Jimbaran to meet up with a dear friend from Washington? Why not?

My next travel has been fixed. My friend just shook me to join him in another one round tour in Asia. Often we flew on the same day but to different directions. We are only connected via Facebook. We could hardly catch each other even in Jakarta. I was unwell for days last week in Jakarta that I didn’t want to see anybody, not just him. We didn’t manage to arrange us to be in the same destination. Singapore, Bangkok, Yangon, Mandalay, Macau, Malang. Hopefully, Jakarta on the first week of August.

Since I got back, I read Gilbert’s last book Committed. Such a light book to read between errands. Light to read, not so light to ponder. Gilbert is so good in expressing her thought that represents the thought of many modern women. About being a woman in the 21st century! Where the landscape of love and life are not as simple as the love and life of… Hmong women (one of her examples). Her writing has a bit anthropology background that I enjoy reading so much because she brings it in popular way. I don’t need to study about women in Vietnam because I’m so close to Balinese women that I can see the similarity in conducting love and life. Love is not part of one’s biography. Husband is husband. It’s a position. Lover is never in the context because lover entails feelings in a relationship. Auw!

I can feel Gilbert is trying to understand how Hmong women work out the love in their life. While I don’t think Hmong women care enough about how we modern women put love in our biography landscape. The lady I met over lunch this afternoon inspired me to ponder more about this.

Tayag's funky table.

I was so smiley feeling the sun at 9:00 while driving to downtown Ubud. It was raining almost all night and cloudy in the morning so I enjoyed the sun more than anything. I smiled looking at my big-city skin color. Oh so pale like many Jakartan! A month away from the sun is enough to erase my suntan.

I did banking first things first. My internet-banking key was locked up on my last night in Jakarta before left for Manila so it’s been a month I live without virtual bank. I have a long payment list to do that people have been so understanding about my situation. It’s so inconvenient. Now although it takes two days before the key effective but at least I know it’s going to be ready soon.

I also took time to change the service of my broadband connection. Now to… unlimited! I didn’t know that they introduced cheaper package since three months ago so I paid over a million for over usage the past few months. Now I use fixed rate for unlimited. I just don’t know how to access all the information about things if we as customer are not notified. No complain. It happened and now has resolved.

Since I built my shop’s website I realize I need unlimited package to upload pictures and work on many things regarding the activity. I’m willing to help a friend to build website for her philanthropy work that I’m not able to share my time away from my activity yet. She has amazed me. Quit her over-a-decade long job to work for her own office and dedicate the rest of her time to do charity work. I have considered some helps I can offer. I read Fortune last edition about Buffet-Gates campaign to get billionaires to give away half their wealth. That amazed me fine but I’m touched more by the idea of people from my level of wealth. What can we do for others with whatever we have?

I had nice chat with an Indian visiting my shop this afternoon. I was in the shop to plan a new layout with my staff. It’s nice to see the shop with fresh paint. Like new! I really want to give the shop a new pulse this summer. I really hope all can be done within this week that I can see it could. I believe in high spirit!

Old radio at Tayag's house in Angeles City, PI.

Glad to be Unhappy
Rodgers/Hart for Frank Sinatra

Look at yourself, if you had a sense of humor
You would laugh to beat the band
Look at yourself, do you still believe the rumor
That romance is simply grand?

Since you took it right on the chin
You have lost that bright toothpaste grin
My mental state is all a-jumble
I sit around and sadly mumble

Fools rush in, so here I am
Very glad to be unhappy
I can't win, but here I am
More than glad to be unhappy

Unrequited love's a bore
And I've got it pretty bad
But for someone you adore
It's a pleasure to be sad

Like a straying baby lamb
With no mammy and no pappy
I'm so unhappy
But oh, so glad!
One month is like one hour I experienced at the show last night. There were so many interesting scenes on the stage in an hour that I thought the first part of the show lasted at least 1.5 hours. Today last month I left Ubud. Exactly one month! I feel 9.8 if I cannot say 10! Been in 6.5 last week, now I have a benchmark to know my tip-top condition. I felt excited, enthusiastic, and happy doing three-hour labor around the house to prepare my nest.

I’m glad I stayed for last night show. It’s not just because of the show but also because of my good friends. They were so nice to having mothers’-night-out with me. It’s always nice to know another ‘life’ especially life I’d never been… being a mother! I learned a lot about being mothers away from mother country. They are American. It touched me!

My trip home was smooth with a good start. The taxi company sent Alphard to take me to airport. It’s my first time being in such a luxurious van (as in taxi, I mean). I have come to accept taxis in Manila as part of my life in taxis but Jakarta never stops pampering its inhabitant. I thought about it while enjoying the smooth Sunday morning traffic. Life is so easy in Jakarta if you have all the ‘equipments.’ No queue in banks, government offices, or shops; once you are a client, they won't let you waiting. It makes life becomes less tougher in a way.

The flight was full of holiday-goers. It’s nice to see excited faces anticipating holiday in paradise while I rushed to go home – my ever holiday destination. Bali sun never fails me. It touched me to my joints and bones. I’m truly happy to be back home. There’s something magical about Ubud that makes me a crazy fan. I believe I’m not alone.

Now I have quite a long list to do in the next six days before my next… holiday.

Say it again?!

Funny that Sinatra’s song sings in the back of my mind the past days.

Being and feeling healthy is so so nice! I appreciate the feeling every second now. I was at my lowest point a few days ago, I felt. I even dreamed of Mama and Papa that people might think I made it up. Javanese believe in such thing that we have to be alert if old spirits come to visit in our dream. Either they don’t let you come to their space, or… they can’t wait to see you! In my case, I dreamed of them talking about plan to build a villa in Ubud. Don’t laugh! I think the scenery was in Ubud because we looked at rice field and nice gorge. Maybe they reminded me that I still have an unfinished business, so I better get well soon and back to work on my dream. I will!

I got up early this morning, had nice online chat with a good friend, and started the morning with my furry boyfriend. He always comes to bed after breakfast, dozed for a few good hours before the next meal – if he’s lucky to sleep without my interruption. How could I resist?! I love to poke to annoy him that then he pokes back and before too long we are fighting! My arms are still clear from any scratch. I don’t let him get too near.

I had an idea to revamp bedroom today. I moved things and tidied up places. I haven’t asked my girls to clean that they can do after I leave tomorrow morning. I just decided what they should do to clean and clear the air. It’s a nice spacious bedroom that has been disorganized after being occupied and unoccupied the past three years. Like an operating system, it needs a defragmentation. I have simplified the wires including fax machine that has been on since fifteen years ago! Who’s going to send fax these days? I took it off from the system. Sometimes time feels like stop, that everything stays the same.

It’s so nice to have enough time for self (hey, haven’t I always had?). I also took time to pack up my stuff for coming home tomorrow. It’s so luxurious to pack up without having to consider weight. My flight allows 25 kilos and I know they can tolerate up to 5 kilos at least. Even if I have to pay, the amount is small. I decided to leave quite many things here, like I did in Manila. My sister is right. How can I remember stuff I left in different places? I cannot but I enjoy the surprise of seeing them again! Ah, you are here! It seems that I have started nesting quite seriously in Manila and Jakarta houses. Seriously or unintentionally? Either and both.

I’m going to see a good dance show tonight with four friends. A show produced by a dance company where a good girlfriend work. We have anticipated watching the show for months now. They missed a big production last year so I better not to miss this one. I’m going to meet my friend’s four boys before I leave for a drink with my friends before the show. How perfect a day could be!

My furry boyfriend.

I’m 7.5 this morning. I have found an answer to How are you? question when somebody asks. As Javanese, I’m not used to rate my well-being including the state of my… health (i.e. physically and emotionally). Like I often said, I’m not satisfied with I’m fine answer because that’s cliché. Not precise. Am I being complicated? A bit.

But yes, a score can tell more precisely about the total level of my well-being (comfortable, healthy, happy). I was under 7 since I got back from Manila. It’s not easy to lever up the score when I’m not in my tip-top condition. Apparently, my happiness is based on my health. That I know better when I’m not in good one. My good friend commented on my text about how I appreciate health and living in Ubud now. Even more! Just because I was below score 7 for a week!

I was able to stretch my body softly. With Chiko the cat on the mat, it’s even more pleasurable. I also enjoyed loud music I hadn’t done long time. It was nice. I really wanted to give a good lift of my day. My shopping day. Suddenly I only had today to stock up stuff for Ubud. Not much but essential, things I cannot get in Bali. Ya, I still lead a ‘scary’ life where my necessities come from three cities at least. Not good!

I had nice chat over lunch in a busy Chinese restaurant with a good good girlfriend. The reason we were in the restaurant because I wanted a light healthy lunch that was chicken broth with vegetable that I only managed to down half portion. My appetite is still poor. Two good hours chatting was not enough but we really had to part. My good friend always said to close our meeting I don’t want to say goodbye. Fair enough. Although we hardly see each other more than once every four months but we look forward to seeing each other again when it comes to be parted.

We live by ‘look forward’ or at least I do. It gives me good energy to anticipate nice things to happen soon, or later. I am touched by the attention of my good friends who showed how ‘look forward’ they do to see and spend time with me tomorrow. My last day in Jakarta has been set by them. Even my good friend’s three boys are eager to see me if time permits. They will get a slight slot before I meet my other friends in the late afternoon.  Hope it works!

Ubud doesn’t seem so far away now.  A Facebook friend reminded me that I’m not that far from home and before I know it I will be in my tip-top shape again in my nest.

I look forward… to enjoying my last day in Jakarta and being in Ubud on the next day.

My dear Chiko and a comparison. A friend asked me to take the picture so she could tell his real size.

What a strange circumstance I have been the past three days? I feel like I am not myself. I was still uneasy when I flew in very early Monday that I took all Monday resting. I was back on Tuesday to meet two good girlfriends over lunch to unexpectedly rush hour 7 o’clock. I was close to vegetable again when I got home that it became worse in the night. My stomach reacted to something I didn’t know. I could not sleep all night because the upset tummy bothered me.

I was in bed all Wednesday and today!! I could not function at all yesterday till I got pill from my sms-doctor. I felt much better this morning but decided to take another day to just do nothing. I read and managed to finish my website project according to my personal date line that is first of July. I’m happy I managed to do it.

This is strange. It’s been so long I didn’t feel this way, like feeling unwell for days. I bless my days in Ubud that at the same time, maybe, it bears a consequence. I lead a too pure life. I eat healthy stuff with less oil and fat that my tummy cannot take such anymore. I inhale too pure air that stay long in a metropolitan city affects my system. Maybe. I have downgraded my life by upgrading it.

I only have two days left in Jakarta. I very look forward to fly back. If it is not because of good friends and a good show, I would have been… I may not sound happy now but I’m sure I would when I’m back in Ubud and look back what I have shared with good friends and myself. I don’t regret my decision to stay in Jakarta longer.

Time to reconnect with what I feel most important now.

Chair created by Tayag.