Wow, I ticked so many things off today! I checked my bank again and only got bitter news that my device for internet banking can only be active after six workdays from last Tuesday! I saw my friend being locked out from his bank for almost a week for similar reason. Why do banks make such rules? Security or merely being slow?

I worked in Hanuman shop for a few hours. What relieves me is… I had a chance to meet my landlord finally! It’s about time to talk about the extension of the rent. I had become quite nervous not knowing her decision to let me continue or not. She once mentioned about starting a business herself after I finish renting the first term. Looking for a new space can be quite painful. Location, renovation, after haggling with rate. I prefer to do the easiest option that is extending.

Ibu was nice. We had nice chat about her health, her concern about her children’s business (her son is painter that hardly sells his work), and her plans to renovate parts of the compound. The chat was with a bit gossip about neighbors of course. This is part of a negotiation: listening. We rarely met and she was super nice to me the first time we met two years ago so I didn’t mind to sit longer to listen to her venting. Negotiating the rate was not that hard. We could meet mid way in minutes. Apparently, she really wanted to keep me as renter as long as I can. That is nice!

A big item ticked off!

I made another plan in the other shop. Selecting paintings to install in the other shop for a change. I want to give the shop a new nuance. Not past time but more contemporary! My staffs were so helpful as always in helping me realizing my plan. I appreciate them!

Like other workdays in Ubud, four hours is my all-day work! For one, for me to get from point A to B takes seconds. Literally! Ubud is in… now I’m not sure… low season? The traffic is still bearable. People work as slow so there’s nothing I can do to speed up. Look at the bank, the big institution also does the same. Here we have all the time to do things!

Before the day ended, I spent an hour gardening in the shower area! The creeper on the shower wall had grown quite wildly the past one month I was away. I don’t like cutting plants so what I did is tying the plants to tame its wildness. While doing so, I sprayed the floor with bleaching liquid to remove moss. I found it effective so that I don’t need to scrub hard. The anti-fungal agent works pretty well. So yes, I beautified my shower in an hour! Alfresco shower is the best! What a good life!

Recycled mouse I saw in UP Diliman, Manila.

I was so smiley feeling the sun at 9:00 while driving to downtown Ubud. It was raining almost all night and cloudy in the morning so I enjoyed the sun more than anything. I smiled looking at my big-city skin color. Oh so pale like many Jakartan! A month away from the sun is enough to erase my suntan.

I did banking first things first. My internet-banking key was locked up on my last night in Jakarta before left for Manila so it’s been a month I live without virtual bank. I have a long payment list to do that people have been so understanding about my situation. It’s so inconvenient. Now although it takes two days before the key effective but at least I know it’s going to be ready soon.

I also took time to change the service of my broadband connection. Now to… unlimited! I didn’t know that they introduced cheaper package since three months ago so I paid over a million for over usage the past few months. Now I use fixed rate for unlimited. I just don’t know how to access all the information about things if we as customer are not notified. No complain. It happened and now has resolved.

Since I built my shop’s website I realize I need unlimited package to upload pictures and work on many things regarding the activity. I’m willing to help a friend to build website for her philanthropy work that I’m not able to share my time away from my activity yet. She has amazed me. Quit her over-a-decade long job to work for her own office and dedicate the rest of her time to do charity work. I have considered some helps I can offer. I read Fortune last edition about Buffet-Gates campaign to get billionaires to give away half their wealth. That amazed me fine but I’m touched more by the idea of people from my level of wealth. What can we do for others with whatever we have?

I had nice chat with an Indian visiting my shop this afternoon. I was in the shop to plan a new layout with my staff. It’s nice to see the shop with fresh paint. Like new! I really want to give the shop a new pulse this summer. I really hope all can be done within this week that I can see it could. I believe in high spirit!

Old radio at Tayag's house in Angeles City, PI.

You invest a lot of your time online, Blogger warns.

Yes, yes, I have invested two days to work on my now website! I just got the idea to create a blog for my creation last week then I thought about other artists who have been ‘working’ with me the past decade. I want to give them a special place in my business. I set aside artifacts! I want to focus on creative people who are already there waiting to be exposed.

Set up a new blog, I got the idea to claim back a four-year-old blog to revamp. Blogger has developed its feature tremendously since I used first time four years ago. I’m happy to see and follow. I remember the days I wanted to have a sophisticated blog under other popular service among journalists but I just didn’t have the patience to go through unfamiliar settings. But look at me these two days, I just went through all the settings and new features that in the end of the day my eyes felt full of HTML code. I had fun!

The blog frame looks really nice like website created by a professional. Blogger is great too since we can convert the free service with little pay to get a real web address with… dot com! Now I waste the web-designing program I installed the other month. Nothing is wasted though, I can still use for the sake of curiosity later.

Like working in office, I sat quietly at home from 8 to 7 at least. Uninterrupted! Photoshop and HTML have eaten me! I’m so proud of Blogger and myself. Now a big amount of work has been waiting that is uploading the content into each tab. I have quite a lot of material on Facebook page that I haven’t figured out how to incorporate them in the web. This is when they talk about static and dynamic website. Now I understand.

Not just that, I also understand why we have to pay a lot for a web designer to work on our project. We buy their time! I work on my own idea and still need at least two full days to make it happen. I cannot imagine the amount of communication we have to make with a web-designer to work on our project. Let alone the time they spend to actually make the web pages ready and later to maintain. Ayayayayy…

So I have put my feet on the shoes! Now I know! I also found out that this trip to Manila is kind of retreat to me. I’m able to see my daily life in Ubud with helicopter view. To see what I need and want to do back home. I look forward to many now… I have a new toy! La la la…

Share you a bit of the web page.

Sitting in Starbucks now, I’m reminiscing. My art juice is flowing very well since the past days. I created four fabulous assemblages as a start of a new concept of my shop. It doesn’t come easy to realize that I have some talents if I want to explore. I have let it buried deep for so long. Some friends have tried to convince me that I can do something with my art, or, I can share it with other art-fans with pay. In other words… my art is sell-able. How can I see that?

Anyway, the new concept of my shop would be… featuring talented artists in and out Ubud I know well. I will create a corner for each artist to display her/his work including mine. I have held some artists’ work since long time but hardly had I featured them as individual. I have sort of treated their work as merchandise although I also provide the background of the work including about the artist. I want to do more for their arts and at the same time for mine. Put them all in foreground!

I’m quite excited about my new idea. I realized this morning it’s so nice to have something to look forward every day. In Ubud, I look forward to having retreat in Manila. In Manila, I look forward to materializing ideas I got from the retreat. My friend said the other day that it seems I need more than one home to live that I showed strong disagreement. I thought I enjoy living in one post only. I thought. Now I agree with his statement. I really enjoy changing place and scenery, not just for traveling but more… to have enough time to be in a retreat.

I still have some eight days before my retreat ends. I have told myself to finish off my new idea so that I will be really ready when I get in Ubud. I don’t have much time when I’m back. Summer has started and my staff will start her maternity-leave soon. I will be fully in charge at the shop for at least two months. It excites me somehow.

My third artwork “What We Forget”

I’m satisfied with artworks I finished today. I worked on the two frames I bought yesterday that again I canceled my plan to buy stones for necklaces. I was so into it that I only showered in the afternoon. In average, it took about 5-6 hours per artwork. But the last one I’m still working now may take longer. It’s a box-frame and I’m going to work on the 3-dimensional part.

Creating artwork is like writing. It takes time to start because I need ‘the first sentence’ that can kick the rest of the work. For others, I might look empty when figuring out what theme I’m going to work on. Most of the time I didn’t have concept at all. I take time to browse a magazine then a theme will be formed bit by bit. The actual work is not long, only some alterations on the way need extra time.

I also took time during an artwork to browse the net. I’m curious to know what other artists have done. My collage or assemblage work apparently has its own style. Mine doesn’t remind people of other well-known work before. I really like the idea of incorporating found objects in the artwork. I got both passions in an artwork: for curios and for collage/assemblage.

The other day I went to see a friend’s art exhibition. He’s been creating assemblage for so long. His work is fresh, I like it. I kept thinking after I got back from the exhibition that actually if I want I can also create such. Like many have thought apparently, what it looks so simple needs aeon to create. Like I said, forming the theme is the backbone of the work and that takes the longest part in the process. So things are not just put together and I can call it an artwork. I’m planning to make a brief background of each artwork to make the soul more visible.

Before the day ends, I set up a blog for the works. This time I want to sell my creation. My old works are well hidden in the cabinet in the house in Jakarta. I’m not going to do the same anymore. I need a good measure of what I have done. By the way, a week has passed since I put my necklaces on sale in Jakarta, heard I had sold at least 18 pieces. I am so happy! My shop also made a good sale the other day. This has been happening for several times now that my business made better sales without me around. Yay!

My second artwork, “Travel Bug.”

Now I believe that creating an artwork needs a good hands-on, not just working on the ideas. The frame I bought for my idea yesterday sat in the plastic bag all night. I didn’t know what to do. This morning I took it out and started to work on my idea. The idea developed as I started to cut and stick things. I had wanted to develop my collage work into more 2-dimension. For years I made it on a piece of paper, I want to have it more finished this time.

Been long I didn’t work on such, I forgot tips and trick to make a collage neat. It didn’t matter since lack of material had made me more creative. I made paper tole effect on the collage by leaving some parts loose. I was so happy to see my first creation that I canceled my plan to shop for stones. I sold quite some necklaces in Jakarta the past week. And just two days ago I got invitation to display my work in a shop in Seminyak! In time I want to renew my collection!

I could not help shopping for more unique frames! I found out here there’s quite selection for frames and at reasonable price too! Many are specially made for keeping 2-dimensional object like medallion so it has thick passé partout and ‘depth.’ It’s perfect for 2-dimensional collage. Today I was not that lucky though. The big bookshops I visited didn’t have wide selection. I bought two frames that have unique feature so I can play with it. I have some ideas! It keeps burning inside.

The trip to the bookshops has brought me to the most luxurious part of the big mall. I often watched the display-windows from outside but never been inside. It’s interesting, it reminded me of malls in Jakarta with high-end goods. I treated my eyes window-shopping. Walking aimlessly in malls makes me tired. After lunch, I hurried home.

Second artwork is waiting to be produced!

"The Children of War," my first artwork here.

If we don’t go out, Manila has nice weather! It’s humid and no rain. This time of the year, it’s almost impossible to stay home without aircon on almost all day. Even in the morning after 7 o’clock, the weather can be unbearable. It makes you melt bit by bit. It’s summer!

I don’t mind staying home. Like in Jakarta, there’s not much we can do in big cities except shopping and dining. I haven’t gone dining so far since we enjoyed doing things at home. But shopping yes, we did a bit. Bookshops here are big and have a quite good range, I never got bored checking out. The price is also reasonable, quite significant I must say, so visit a bookshop guarantees that I will walk out with shopping bags. How much I want to tell myself not to shop for books, I am rarely successful. Especially because lately I have good company to read Filipino literature. My friend got the books from Amazon that I believe the price will not fall under $10, here any local print is hardly priced at over $6.

Nice that since I visit Manila regularly, I come to know more and more people in Indonesia that have connection with the Philippines. This morning, a well known writer-cum-psychologist shared her joy knowing that her short story is published on the weekly newspaper in the Philippines. She explained to me how she is connected with the nation, she is half Filipino! How would I guess? I thought she is pure from Timor where her father belongs to royal family. The world definitely has become smaller that helps people from two different worlds meet their soulmates.

Yesterday we watched movie. The scene from medieval era I’m not keen to watch. Simply because we arrived late for the famous SATC 2. Watching movie has become an alternative of outings in big cities. Last February I noted a record of watching 5 movies within 3 weeks here. It’s impossible to happen when I live in Ubud, even in Jakarta because of the traffic. It’s fun though but… funny enough that I also follow the American tradition of having popcorn in cinema! It gives me a slight headache after a tumbler of MSG-ed popcorn but who can resist? Indulge now. It’s not my routine (I have started saying it for too many not-so-healthy routines now).

Today I feel inspired by Marc Jacob. I just own my first MJ handbag. A red cotton tote with funky hot print of HIS drawing, Japanese style. I thought the idea of having a really funky but affordable yet exclusive line is brilliant. I keep processing a new concept of store for Neru that I have been working on for months now. I have some ideas but it’s so hard to materialize although I know the theory of believing in it can speed up the materialization.

It’s not easy for me to believe in small things these days. I can't help. Start small, think big; that’s the message I tell myself over and over again. My logic says not to do small things but look at my shop. I might have been wasting time but again… everything has its own time!

I will challenge myself to do my part this visit in Manila. Like Sy said, I have to create to make my shop different. I like it when he said… "I believe in making!" I have to nurture back the belief I used to have. Making!

Artwork by MJ, not mine but in the same line.

Many of my friends have started issuing dates of their summer leave. Before too long I will be the last one standing in Ubud. But glad, it won’t happen! I will also leave, sooner than I had expected. Things moved so fast that plan was made in a snap. In two days, I will be out of Ubud for the rest of the month.

Been in Ubud almost five solid weeks, I have started to dance to the town-rhythm. And the thought of leaving soon has made me dive into the atmosphere even more. I inhale deeper breath, I listen to gamelan even more, I absorb the green of the town into my memory, I see gebogan (tall offering on dulang) as a work of art not just a part of Balinese life. I could not help texting a good friend yesterday: I love Ubud. I really do!

I talked with a cousin while ironing a heap of laundry this morning. The last batches. It was a nice catch up as often. And as often, a conversation leads to a business. Hung up the two-hour call, I rushed preparing 12 necklaces to send to Jakarta before 15:00. A cousin will open a boutique in an up-market mall on Saturday and was in need of a jewelry supplier. I don’t mind helping. It’s also nice to get a chance of having my creation exposed in larger scale.

I spent all afternoon sitting on the floor packing the leftover necklaces for Jakarta. Nothing left in Ubud as I’m ready to make a new line, new collection. Reset. Refresh. It’s exactly three years last month since I launched my first collection. It’s time!

I had my only shower of the day at twilight. I scratched my legs a lot. Now I have to admit that dust gives polka-dot motif on my skin. For years I didn’t want to admit since I always believed any disease comes from mind especially symptoms connected with allergy. Using positive affirmation works for some allergies, not with dust. Maybe it's time to get out of this humid damp house for a while to recover.

With all the pros and cons of leaving a place called home, I look forward…

A view I'd like to keep in my memory. Entrance of Museum Puri Lukisan.

I write to empty my mind
and to fill my heart.
Writing is easy:
just stare at the screen of your computer until a tear drops on your keyboard.
Paulo CoelhoCoelho is funny but I only agree with the first statement.

It’s sunny and raining alternately since morning. The sun is so promising that I want to hang my laundry in the sun. Just a minute after I prepare for taking the hanger out, the sun goes away, and heavy cloud reappears. So I stop because I don’t want to run rescuing the laundry from being wet. It’s the same tricky decision I have to make of when to wipe dry car! I didn’t have chance today.

My urge to write suffers the same on-off since a few days ago. When I scroll up the draft page, I can see some unfinished paragraphs I composed in different times and days. When I open my netbook, I can see other unfinished compositions. I was and maybe still am mati angin. Writer’s block? I don’t want to label. I cannot write. That’s all.

It’s a bit sad since I had fabulous weekend. It’s so nicely overwhelming to have met and spent time with many wonderful people in the course of two days. I spent all afternoon on Saturday at a good friend’s birthday celebration. There were twenty guests at the birthday get-together hosted by the host couple. It’s funny to observe how we are all connected. Have lived in three cities, I met friends from all three connections but mingled in the same pot in Ubud. Lately my friends and I often discussed about how we are all connected because we are becoming inquisitive about how large a network can be. Facebook has made the connection so transparent through that mutual friends box.

After the hilarious lunch with speeches, I had a chance to have a peek at our friend’s neighbor lives in a tent-house. They live side by side, sharing the same piece of land, only she built an Out-of-Africa-style tent that she actually lives in. I was awed by the idea of living ‘outside’ but inside. She lives a simple life that it's so simple to become not simple. Working with an NGO on environmental issues in NYC long time ago, she still has passion to keep the ideal of saving the world. She prepares her own soap made of klerak. She refuse, reuse, and recycle things. I admire. Her business is as sexy as the idea. She produces high quality stuff for traveling or surviving in jungle with style. Pure cotton, linen, and other organic materials in white or cream for bathrobe, mosquito net, slippers, laundry bag, and maybe tent also? Looks so pure and… in need of serious washing to remove stains after use. Now I sound so pessimistic. Not at all. I am big fan of her creation. I love white and I don’t mind stains as part of the elegant lifestyle.

So yes, I was so inspired by the idea of living in a tent! I gathered information of how to make it happen, I mean, how to build such! Maybe it’s time for me to splurge on an (I thought) impossible ideas. I understand Coelho’s say about if “you can dream, you can do” and "start moving, so I can start blessing" but yes… I have trapped myself into a scary unsureness about my ideas. So when a good friend, again, started doubting about my and others idea; I look at myself in the mirror. Who am I to judge him have let himself trapped in unsureness? Only, I’m unsure about my power, other may have difficulties in trusting others. Which one is better? None.

The past few days, I mingled quite often with a new friend from New Zealand. She reminded me of my young friend from Belgium I knew last year. They are about the same age and have similar spirit of life; it energizes and inspires me! The old soul trapped in the body of thirty year old. I need to mingle more with such fresh determined spirit yet fragile so I can learn and realize how human we are.

To close my mumbles, I have to record this. About last week or the week before, I saw a little black dog running into my compound in panic. He looked very thin then fragile. I thought he’s ready to die anytime. His skin looked not so good either. Strange that I felt I had connection with the dog (no, Facebook has nothing to do with this kind of connection). I told myself, if this dog is mine, he would sleep in my place. I have wanted to have a dog since long time but I cannot afford (emotionally) since I travel in a long period at a time.

I was not sure if I wanted the dog though because of the skin condition and rabies issue lately. Anyway, a few days later I noticed he wore a red-pink cord around his neck. Does somebody own him? Or, is he vaccinated already? Red cord on dogs’ neck is a code here. Good one! So yes, I find him sleeping on my doormat almost every night now although he ripped the mat off and one morning I found him with bones (that gosh I didn’t know whose!). And the good news is…

He barked at the girls from a warung delivered my lunch today! He is mine, he is mine!! Though virtually!

No, that’s not my dog. It’s Sy’s.

My sister went No sir!!! when I told her I want to go back to school. I know the commitment sounds big that it’s so unbelievable I will take. She is not the first who showed disbelief about my plan. Other good friend tried to give me different ideas if I need a ‘positive distraction.’ What’s wrong with going back to school? I haven’t found an answer yet.

Last week my good friend in Ubud told me with sparkle in his eyes about what his guru-ji told him. My friend wondered if he has done enough in life so asked his guru-cousin what he should do. His guru reminded him that he already has a good life other people want. He is already in the big sea of happiness, not in the narrow ditch finding way to the sea. His message is… Why don’t you just enjoy the ride? The calm ride of being in the big sea. I pondered about it.

I learned to sketch in a private gallery in the main road of Ubud all morning. I had planned to join since last week but only today I went with my new friend from New Zealand. It’s on the second floor of the gallery, bright but closed space. Of course, because we had a life model posing nude for some twelve participants. Heard the participants could go as many as thirty! I was surprised. I knew the model. British girl I often met in many occasions around Ubud. She just graduated from a teacher training for yoga. I admired.

Class hadn’t started yet but my friend already said she was not sure if she could stay till the end of three hours. Actually I was wondering about myself too. I have a short span of attention. Do anything, I cannot focus on the same thing for half hour or so. I can, if I am so much into it. I told my friend not to worry while I was telling myself the same. So we started the warm-up, five minute sketching at a time then break, four times. Then ten minute sketching at a time then break, three times. Then twenty minute sketching at a time then break, three times. Altogether made up three hours. Time just passed. My attention depleted an hour before the session ended. I did my best in the last hour. I enjoyed other participants’ work. They are regulars and looked professional. Some actually painted, not just sketched.

Like school girls came out of class, we felt free walking to our lunch. I was quite satisfied with my work today. The model has nice body that shows bold lines in my eyes. In such class, we don’t see nude body, we only see lines. I wondered if I can be a model. Got home I checked my body in the mirror, I don’t have bold lines because all are in smaller scale. Models for Botero must have rich lines! What an experience stretching self to do something I don’t usually do! Start with sketching, set modeling aside.

I got home late afternoon. I thanked my new friend who is still so young, so young she can be my daughter, for kicking me to join the class. We have arranged our next date. She already called me hot Mama! Merely because I often had hot ideas about hot things. She is just cute!

My sketches today.

Ubud is raining in the morning after days with sun. It’s nice for a change but it also brings me into rrr… a pensive mood? It happens I don’t have plan to go out today, I’m well stocked and want to tie some loose ends at home. But writing comes first. Apparently.

I have been thinking about this the past days. Why people bother about differences among them? I read on NY Times this morning about colors (red and yellow) have divided a small town in northeastern Thailand. The town is small enough to know the color of their neighbor. It divides the society into two. They burned buildings because of hatred in their hearts. It’s so ironic that it happens to people who hold belief of ‘compassionate, sensible, detached, loving, humanitarian, responsible, and ethical’ in life. They are human anyway with both love and hatred living side by side.

I knew many people had become distant to each other in America during and short after the presidential election just because of the candidate they chose. It’s sad that a father stopped talking with his daughter because of their president. This is a true story, not a rumor!

That’s an example of a bigger scale issue, in the smaller side, I observed the emotion among my friends on Facebook. Differences on point of view have separated some friends. They stop ‘befriending’ on Facebook and both parties don’t show compassion of other’s choice. It’s sad! I told a friend the other day that even Facebook is also like a belief. It's challenging to discuss about a belief because we are simply different, and it should be fine! That’s when I prefer to be a good listener in a hot discussion on politics, religion, or… Facebook! I respect all the differences we have. It’s nice to be in diversity actually, it enriches me in many ways.

I got company to join sketching with life model at a private gallery in Ubud on Wednesday morning. Although, I will go anyway, with or without company but I'm excited! It’s nice to anticipate spending time with this adventurous girl from New Zealand. I skipped this weekly session last week because of a breakfast-date with a girlfriend I hadn’t seen long time. This week I said no to her proposition to do again because I must join the session. The idea of attending for the first time has already fired me up that I will start gathering my stuff for the session and make a collage, if possible, today. I’m a bit relaxed about my necklace-project since a friend brought quite a bunch of my collection to Switzerland. I don’t have much left to deal here.

My week is already occupied by appointments and activities. I’m excited to anticipate each item. After three weeks residing back in Ubud, my wheel starts turning.

My old collage depicting me and the sun.

I had short morning at home, I left house at 8. After tough negotiation over a week, my good friend and I finally found time to meet today at our favorite breakfast-stop in the middle of rice field. We have experienced out-of-sync after not seeing each other so long. That I understand it can happen. I observed friends that come and go in my life lately. The rotation is getting faster because of my regular change of rhythm.

I was pondering while walking. My sister told me the other day about how boring to be less occupied in office. She said she becomes less creative because has so much time. It rings true to me. That’s what I feel lately. I am not well occupied that I don’t feel creative. I don’t need to be bossed around but I appreciate deadlines. Deadlines give me pressure that then it makes me more creative in using time.

It was a nice catch up with my girlfriend. She just bought a treadmill to boost her energy in the morning. I’m happy for her as now she walks in the sun less and only joins yoga class once a week that I haven’t gone since I got back. She will leave for her hometown in two weeks while I haven’t planned my next travel yet. There are some proposals to travel but I haven’t bitten the bait yet. I have started enjoying my new rhythm in Ubud. My days are already occupied till end of month which is only next week.

I enjoyed walking. After the long breakfast, I continued walking downtown to buy more DVDs (just because I exchanged one) and cakes for my afternoon break. Then see my accounting staff in the shop where she works formally. We talked about business in general then I let her share what’s in her mind. Been married ten years, she hasn’t got child yet. I understand her feeling as children is so important for Balinese family. I advised her to go with the flow (uh who am I giving an advice?) that often when I share a wisdom I can hear I'm giving myself the same advice. Before I left, she insisted on buying me drink (that came with two cupcakes). She is so sincere as always.

I walked briskly another ten minutes to go further downtown to meet my good friend for lunch in a warung our friend owns. It’s sunny but the breeze was cool so walking felt so pleasant. I was not perspiring as bad as the other day. It was great, I enjoyed stretching while walking! Been living in Ubud three years this month, I feel Ubud is 'getting smaller.' Walking downtown is not a big deal for me (anymore). I could decide it so easily. I’m happy with the feeling. I made a silent pact with myself, I have to walk downtown at least once a week.

Miraculously, I still have energy when I got home. I opened my new toy, the netbook, and explored it. It’s been two days I didn’t touch it. I don’t want to let this waiting so I got an idea to use it at… my low table. I’m writing this post on netbook. I took time to relearn how Windows work. After long hours exploring Help, I can only say, now I understand what people mean with Why make things simple when you can make things complicated. Viva Mac!

The new gigantic Balinese gate in the main road of Ubud.

Everyday is adventure. One of the speakers at the Rotary meeting I attended yesterday said. The first group of speakers talked about the new concept of traveling the world. They introduced traveling and exploring cultures in the most affordable way by staying with the local to create deeper bond with the community the traveler visit. It’s called CouchSurfing (CS). I had heard about it but hadn’t explored until I listened to the speakers yesterday.

A good friend of mine became a new couchsurfer the past weeks we didn’t see each other. That’s how she learned about the network, then introduced the concept of the network to her circle of friends. And yesterday’s meeting was one. There were some ten attendees that were wow-ed by the new concept of connecting travelers and the local communities they visit. That through the network we can enjoy free accommodation in ‘couches’ CS members offer that spread in 72,347 cities in 237 countries (statistics taken from the website)!

Become a member, we offer our ‘couch’ to totally strangers that members of CS. Couch here has broad meaning, it doesn’t have to mean we provide bed/place to sleep for other members; but we can also offer arranging programs or many ways of introducing our community to the traveler visiting our city. On our member page, we can set limit or boundary for receiving couchsurfers (that’s noun for the 'traveling members') such as only F/M, certain age group, no/yes smoking, certain liking, etc. I like the idea they mentioned If you don’t have time to travel, travel comes to you (by providing ‘couch’ for people from other culture). That is a brilliant idea!

Realizing that offering ‘couch’ means exposing self to total strangers, some attendees in the meeting had questions about how to verify the couchsurfers applying. The guys from CS (they stay for a few weeks in Ubud developing CS, from what I understand) explained that they do lots of verifying new members like if their credit card pays annual fee matches address they share, and things like that. I personally don’t have idea how they execute the verification because in my case my credit card address is Jakarta but I live in Ubud and am a good person. I believe many have similar issues. I don’t know. Just hats off!

One guy asked the same question I had in mind, how they earn from working almost voluntarily for the organization. The member fee is $ 25/year. Sure CS got hundreds to millions members but it’s in their spirit they don’t advertise so the multiplier might not be as fast. They rely on word-of-mouth effect. I admire what they do for literally other people's 'fun.' I guess they can afford to do it since they are still young and they looked adventurous – in and out. I often thought there must be something develop out of budget-airline trend. One of those could be this. I believe. Because of the new way of exploring the world; people travel more, share more, then understand other culture better, in the end we all create a better community with better understanding. And just today, an attendee sent us email sharing that she's going to host several couchsurfers soon already.

The couchsurfers delivered the first presentation in the meeting. The second group of speakers was also interesting. They are fellows of Rotary World Peace Fellowship who got scholarship to get Master degree on human rights via Rotary district in their place. The girl is from Australia studying law, the guy from the Philippines studying Asian Studies. He is documentary film maker back home. They are both studying in California now. They are attending a two-week conference in Tuban, Bali, before they are off for their three-month internship of their choice. The girl will go to Solomon Islands and the guy to New York City. They describe what they do as ‘study and contribute.’ What a nice way to put it.

We ended the nice meeting with nice hilarious dinner where I heard more wow stories from a lady who’s been living in Ubud over twenty years and has 250 Balinese employees. Glad I still have hats for hats off! We had good laugh when she shared how she reduced the cost of medical in her office. Since last year, she required all employees to salsa dance together every Friday. Miraculously, after a few months some of the employees are capable of becoming salsa teachers! Even a guy earns sevenfold the amount he gets from her company by teaching salsa in the evening. It was hilarious! Happy lady!

That was my evening, my day was fabulous too! I decided to roam Denpasar by myself, without my cousin in the passenger seat like he used to. Denpasar map is not easy to comprehend and many roads are one-way that I realized later it’s good actually since it's like guiding you to a certain destination rather than making you lost even further. Anyway, I managed to go places with my not-so-skillful way to read map. I’m quite disoriented but I can do if I don’t have choice. And I did not!

I had some errands to run but actually the main purpose of the trip was buying myself a toy! A netbook that I had considered buying a year. The timing is good since the technology of netbook is already ‘there’ now unlike a year ago. I bought my netbook in the first shop I entered merely because the shopkeepers were smart and honest (I felt). I only read a few review about some brands the day before. I’m not a review-type person. I just bought what I feel ‘enough’ (specification and price wise). One and half hour later I drove back with my new toy. I was so excited but I could only play the toy this morning. Yes, I had busy evening learning about the fun way to enrich life.

My morning view some mornings ago.

Kadang-kadang aku merasa lucu. Di Ubud, aku menunggu hujan berhenti untuk mandi karena pancuran mandiku beratap langit. Sebetulnya ada juga pancuran di bawah atap tetapi aku kurang suka karena curah airnya kurang kuat, lagipula karena lokasinya, pengalaman mandi beratapkan langit sungguh luar biasa rasanya. Mengapa aku harus menunggu hujan untuk mandi? Sepele, karena hujan, terutama kalau lumayan lebat akan membuat rambutku basah padahal aku hanya mencuci rambut sebelum tidur malam. Jadi kalau terpaksa, aku pun mandi dengan tutup kepala plastik seperti yang sering kita jumpai di hotel.

Karena alasan itu, jadual harianku tergantung pada curah hujan. Meskipun tutup kepala plastik bisa menjadi jalan keluar tetapi aku tidak selalu siap untuk mandi dibawah hujan. Sering aku menggigil kedinginan meskipun aku mandi dengan air hangat. Kalau ada waktu dan sedang santai, aku sangat menikmati mandi dibawah hujan karena rasanya luar biasa, campuran air hangat dan dingin pada saat yang sama.

Jadilah beberapa hari ini aku menghadapi tantangan untuk mengatur hari seputar jadual mandi. Aku beruntung mempunyai jadual yang bisa aku tentukan sendiri jadi urusan sepele ini tidak menjadi isu besar. Seperti pagi ini. Sudah pukul 6:30 tetapi diluar masih gelap seperti waktu terlambat satu jam lebih. Ritme tubuhku pun mengikuti ritme alam. Aku tidak bersemangat memulai hari dan tidak bisa merencanakan apa-apa, apalagi hari ini hari Minggu. Hujan turun sejak pagi, meskipun kadang berhenti. Aku mondar-mandir antara menyeterika pakaian dan bercakap-cakap di dunia maya dengan seorang kawan di Yogya tetapi tidak memutuskan untuk melakukan kegiatan diluar rumah.

Singkat cerita, akhirnya pagiku berakhir dengan kesibukan luar biasa karena aku memutuskan untuk mencoba mesin cuci yang baru diperbaiki sebulan yang lalu. Alat penstabil voltase jebol karena itu aku tidak menyadari mesin cuci tersebut watt-nya melebihi kapasitas alat. Tidak ada seninya kalau urusan kecil ini tidak bermasalah. Aku tersenyum sendiri setelah melewati pagi yang tidak kuduga menjadi pagi yang sibuk. Hidup sendiri memang penuh seni!

Daun basah di jembatan Campuhan.

Kegiatan sehari2 ngapain aja mbak? What do you do usually, Mbak? A friend in LA asking me over online chat this morning. It’s not easy to answer such question. Unlike people who work from nine-to-five, I don't have better answer. Again, I found myself creating a fiction about what I’m doing at home when I’m not traveling. Really, listing my activities is not as easy as Facebook automatically lists our activities on the Wall. As hard as answering question like How do you feel? when morning is still dark. I don’t have idea how I’m supposed to feel when even my day hasn’t started yet, my soul hasn’t gathered become one yet, my realization is still far from complete.

Not that I didn’t think about the list of my activities, I thought about it while walking in the drizzle at 8:15 this morning. It was raining all morning but I decided to just go see nature I had longed for so long. My thighs got quite a workout as I balanced my steps on slippery sidewalk along the way. I don’t have professional shoes to walk in the wet and my favorite plastic Crocs can be slippery in hard surface and later in the mud! I am prone to slip and fall the past days, or since I fell exactly last week. I fell again in my porch the other day, same pattern, wet floor. My good friend fell from stairs for the second time after rain in her house. That’s even worse. We are not getting younger it seems.

Anyway, I had really nice long breakfast in an organic resto and farm in the middle of rice field twenty minutes from home. Yes, I was surprised too that it took me that short to get the place that is not so close to home actually. I met no traveler on the way and in the place. In better days with sun, I might have breakfast with at least two other tables occupied. It gave me quiet time to observe some men fixing nice Balinese cloth on ceiling of the new deck. They apologized for the not-so-nice view but I didn’t see it that way.

There’s something exotic about being among people speaking language that sounds foreign to me. Well, Balinese sounds not so foreign to me actually because many of the words have similar sound and meaning as in Javanese, that I also found in Tagalog. But still, I might lost in translation after quite a full conversation. But listening to people talking in a language that I hardly comprehend lulls me. It makes my mind wandering.

I really wanted to write but I’m not a good block note writer who can jot down ideas then develop the writing later. Many people can do but not my cup of tea at all. So I dreamed about something new. Something that I once considered but then gone after further thinking. Not this morning, the idea was so strong that I had to think about other things I can do with the device if I buy. There’s no way I will buy BlackBerry despite the constant mock of my friends and relatives that I still enjoy a 4-year old cell phone. Or iPad? Wish I had quite an idle money to spend. No. I found netbook is more economical considering its price and usefulness.

I picture myself writing in a quiet place like this morning resto. Or, while waiting for friends in a bigger resto with wireless connection. Or, to unintentionally compete with friends with BlackBerry that constantly check out emails and people’s status on Facebook, or upload their own status. I’m kind of sick of those but this is 2010. I cannot complain! That’s when I need a better deal.

I got home all wet of sweat. I bought focaccia and banana bread from my favorite resto-cum-cakery on the way home. I also bought six rrr pirated DVDs from a shop next to the resto. I feel ashamed that I enjoy pirated discs because the rest of stuff in my life are original only. A friend shared a reasonable justification about such habit, said the film industry has made a lot of money enough from the movie so it’s good that they share the 'profit' with the pirates in the market so some other people can also earn. I buy it with a soft pang of shame.

I showered after, strangely, a few stretching. Yes, I took the 2-hour walking as warm up. It was a nice short stretching before shower in the drizzle. A bit over noon, I felt I have completed my day. I had focaccia with instant chicken soup, and an apple, for lunch. I plan to stay home the rest of the day learning about netbook reviews in the net, do some more reading, and watch movie(s)! What a perfect activities in a rainy day!

The view from where I sat at breakfast in Subak Sok Wayah this morning.

Sejauh ini semua urusanku berjalan lancar. Perjalananku semalam juga lancar. Konter maskapai penerbanganku komputernya berjalan normal sehingga aku hanya memerlukan beberapa menit saja untuk menyelesaikan semua urusan sampai melewati imigrasi. Aku mempunyai waktu luang hampir dua jam sebelum pesawat berangkat. Tidak seperti dua keberangkatan sebelumnya yang menghabiskan banyak waktu di antrian karena komputer di bandara macet. Semalam aku mempunyai waktu untuk melanjutkan membaca buku karangan pengarang terkemuka Filipina yang dianjurkan kawanku.

Selama empat jam di udara, aku tidak memejamkan mata sama sekali karena buku itu. Bukunya tidak tebal tetapi bahasanya indah sehingga aku perlu waktu untuk ‘menikmati’ bahasanya. Beruntung aku dapat menyelesaikannya sejenak sebelum persiapan mendarat di Jakarta persis tengah malam. Pesawat tidak terlambat, konter imigrasi yang konon baru menerapkan perlakuan istimewa untuk warga asing juga nampak lancar (mungkin karena hanya pesawat kami yang tiba tengah malam), dan semua berkas yang aku perlukan untuk perpanjangan paspor juga sudah tersedia sehingga tidak memerlukan waktu lama untuk menyiapkannya sebelum tidur.

Pagi-pagi sekali dokumen pasporku sudah diambil petugas dan pukul sepuluh tepat aku sudah berada di kantor imigrasi Jakarta Timur untuk perpanjangan pasporku yang habis masa lakunya akhir tahun ini. Seberapapun aku tidak mendukung usaha percaloan tetapi aku mempunyai pembenaran untuk itu. Waktu aku datang, ruang tunggu kantor imigrasi ini penuh sekali dengan orang yang menunggu. Nampak ekspresi pasrah di wajah mereka. Aku telah membeli waktu dan tenagaku dengan menggunakan jasa calo dari agen perjalanan langgananku. Aku hanya merasa sedikit bersalah karena aku memerlukan sekitar duapuluh menit saja untuk menyelesaikan administrasi keimigrasian.

Bersantap siang dengan kawan baikku berjalan seru. Si abang tukang rambutku siaga tepat waktu di salonnya waktu aku datang. Memendekkan rambut memang satu hal luar biasa yang dapat membuat spiritku naik dengan segera. Dua bulan aku tidak berjumpa dengannya. Aku senang dengan potongan rambut baruku, seperti yang sudah-sudah.

Hariku lengkap sudah dengan datangnya pasporku yang baru setibanya aku di rumah. Aku memangkas sembilan hari proses penyelesaian paspor. Aku akan segera menginaugurasinya minggu depan. Dan dokter kulit yang aku jumpai sebelum malam tiba memastikan kalau aku mempunyai alergi terhadap minyak wijen! Ya, aku mengusap lengan dan kakiku dengan minyak wijen produk sebuah merk ternama dari Amerika hari Minggu yang lalu. Dan sejak hari Senin pagi aku mendapati bentol di sekujur lengan dan kakiku. Hari ini sebetulnya sudah berangsur membaik tetapi aku tetap memerlukan obat untuk memulihkannya dengan tuntas.

Satu hari lagi di Jakarta, lalu pindah ke kota berikutnya.

Kehidupan di kota, rapi, nyaris tanpa seni.

Akhirnya berakhir juga duapuluhsatu hari kunjunganku di Manila. Persis duapuluhsatu hari masa visaku berlaku. Aku baru merasa kalau ini bukan kunjungan singkat kalau aku melihat ke belakang, melihat apa saja yang sudah aku lakukan. Paskah rasanya sudah berbulan yang lalu meskipun baru tiga minggu yang lalu.

Aku tidak banyak bertemu kawan lama di kunjunganku kali ini. Aku hanya sempat santap siang bersama satu kawan yang baru mengunjungi Ubud dua bulan yang lalu. Kebetulan organisasi kami juga tidak banyak mengadakan kuliah di musim panas ini. Bulan April di Filipina disebut musim panas. Satu lagi, semalam aku bertemu dengan bekas atasanku duabelas tahun yang lalu sebelum aku mengundurkan diri. Sejak dua bulan yang lalu, beliau kembali bermarkas di Washington. Sejak kami bertemu kembali pertama kali empat tahun yang lalu di Jakarta, kami sudah berkali-kali merencanakan untuk mengobrol tetapi baru semalam kami benar-benar bertemu dan di tempat yang tidak kami duga pula. Menyenangkan bercakap dengan beliau. Selama menjadi atasanku, aku tidak pernah mengenalnya sedekat semalam. Dunia memang semakin menciut.

Di kunjungan kali ini aku menyempatkan untuk berbelanja pakaian ‘standar’ seperti kaos dan celana polos. Aku lelah dengan urusan kelebihan berat bawaan bila menumpang pesawat bujet. Sementara aku gemar membawa barang-barang, bukan pakaian, jadi bawaanku lebih berat. Nampaknya aku harus meninggalkan pakaian di empat destinasi tetapku: Ubud, Manila, Jakarta, dan Malang.

Aku sudah siap untuk terbang ke Jakarta malam ini. Kelihatannya seperti perjalanan panjang tetapi tentu tidak karena hanya perlu empat jam untuk sampai di Jakarta. Yang membuatnya terasa panjang, kadang-kadang, adalah antrian lapor penumpang di bandara. Dua kali kunjunganku yang terakhir sistem komputer tidak berjalan lancar sehingga pelayanan berjalan lambat.

Acaraku untuk besok sejak pagi sampai malam di Jakarta sudah rapi tersusun. Mudah-mudahan semua bisa aku lewati dengan baik.

Pemandangan Danau Taal dari Batangas.

Waktu berlalu cepat sekali. Sudah hampir seminggu aku tidak menulis karena kesibukan dan faktor lain tentunya. Kursusku telah berakhir hari Jumat minggu yang lalu dan aku telah dinyatakan lulus meskipun tidak ada tes yang dilakukan untuk menentukan kelulusan. Aku sendiri tidak percaya kalau aku berhasil melewati dua minggu kursus dengan baik.

Hari Rabu minggu yang lalu kami pergi dengan bis besar yang bisa memuat 50 orang ke Tanauan City dan Batangas sekitar 65 kilometer dari Museum Nasional tempat kami belajar. Perjalanan dimulai sejak pukul 06:00! Aku masih setengah di awang-awang waktu tiba di depan museum, tempat kami berkumpul. Berkumpul dengan orang Filipina memang menarik. Yang pasti di dalam bis kami kebanjiran makanan sejak berangkat sampai tiba kembali di Manila yang dua jam terlambat. Bersama mereka, aku tidak perlu membawa bekal dan kuatir kelaparan karena ketersediaan makan dan minum terjamin.

Selama di Tanauan City kami dijamu makan pagi oleh Mayor kota tersebut yang masih keluarga Aquino. Sesudah meninjau satu museum kota, kami meninjau rumah kelahiran presiden Filipina kedua yang terbuat dari kayu, dan dilanjutkan dengan makan siang di museum salah satu pejuang yang berasal dari kota tersebut. Makan siang yang ditata rapi di meja panjang dengan hidangan berlimpah. Sebelum menuju ke kota tetangga, Batangas, kami dibawa untuk menikmati Danau Taal dengan gunung berapi ditengahnya. Hujan sudah mulai turun sehingga kami tidak bisa menikmatinya lama-lama.

Kami sudah mulai lelah waktu kami harus berjalan kaki menuju museum di Batangas. Tetapi kelelahan terbayar karena museum yang letaknya di gedung yang kurang bagus ini ternyata ditata sangat apik dan profesional. Kami tidak bisa tinggal lebih lama karena kami harus segera bergerak kembali ke Manila. Sebelum kami menumpang bis, kami sempat melihat rumah pastor yang telah berdiri sejak tahun 1883. Seperti kebanyakan museum privat di Manila, museum rumah ini ditata apik seperti masih dihuni. Menarik sekali. Aku tidak ingat apa aku pernah melihat museum rumah di Indonesia. Rasanya belum, dan aku jadi bertanya-tanya apakah kami mempunyai?

Kami menghabiskan waktu empat jam untuk tiba kembali di Manila. Jalanan macet karena ada kecelakaan di jalan tol. Persis seperti di Jakarta rasanya. Aku hanya duduk diam antara bangun dan tidur sepanjang jalan dalam gelap. Kawan-kawanku sibuk dengan telpon genggamnya dan makin panik mengetahui kami bergerak sangat pelan. Aku hanya membayangkan satu hal saja, mandi.

Keesokan harinya kami dibawa keliling di dua museum dibawah Museum Nasional. Cukup melelahkan karena kami berdiri sepanjang hari mendengarkan penuturan para kuratornya. Karena ruangan terbatas dan kami ber-50 di ruangan yang sama, maka penyampaian informasi menjadi kurang efektif. Kebanyakan kami berakhir dengan mengobrol sendiri. Terutama aku karena kebanyakan kurator merasa lebih nyaman berbicara dalam Tagalog. Tidak ada satu pun yang dapat aku ikuti. Aku memakai waktunya untuk menjelajahi ruang penyimpanan masing-masing departemen.

Hari kelulusan kami berlalu dengan menyenangkan. Kami membuat banyak foto bersama. Ternyata sedih juga mendengar kawan-kawanku mengingatkan kalau kita bakal kehilangan satu sama lain sejak hari kelulusan berakhir. Dua minggu berlalu tanpa terasa telah mengikat kita. Pertunjukan kultural kelompok kami mendapat bagian di akhir dan berlalu dengan baik meskipun kami hanya sempat latihan beberapa kali saja.

Akhir pekan aku lewati dengan santai tanpa ‘menggunakan otak.’ Malam minggunya aku menghabiskan waktu dengan kawan baikku di Manila yang akan pindah ke Shanghai bulan depan. Pertemuan kami ini adalah yang terakhir di Manila. Dia akan melewatkan musim panas di Amerika dan tidak kembali lagi ke Manila tetapi langsung menata kediamannya yang baru. Aku terdiam di mobil sesudah melewatkan waktu tiga jam bersamanya. Rasa itu datang kembali. Kehilangan. Dan kali ini aku kehilangan empat makhluk sekaligus: kawanku, pembantunya, sopirnya, dan anjingnya yang akan ikut ke Amerika. Pembantu, sopir, dan anjingnya sudah kukenal sangat baik selama dua tahun terakhir kami banyak menghabiskan waktu bersama.

Aku tidak mau mengeluh karena hidup berjalan terus dan percaya kalau semua ada waktunya. Tetapi tetap aku merasa ada lobang hitam berbekas di hatiku hari-hari ini. Aku tidak mau berucap kata perpisahan, kata kawanku. Lobang dia lebih besar karena dia kehilangan ketiganya yang telah hidup bersamanya 24/7 tiga tahun lebih.

Kaos seragam kami untuk wisata.

Hari-hari ini aku disibukkan oleh hal-hal di luar biasa. Dan memang luar biasa juga! Efek dari ulat bulu yang hinggap di leherku hampir seminggu yang lalu masih aku rasakan sampai hari ini. Kebetulan kulitku sedang sensitif yang ditandai dengan rasa gatal dimana-mana. Tidur malamku terpotong karena rasa gatal ini. Aku memutuskan untuk terus meminum obat alergi sebelum tidur malam yang dapat membantuku tidur tanpa terbangun dan mengatasi rasa gatal sepanjang hari. Aku pernah merasakan musim gatal seperti ini di Jakarta tapi ini pertama kalinya aku merasakan di Ubud.

Dan beberapa hari terakhir aku melihat kesibukan ekstra di meja kerjaku. Semut hitam berjalan berkelompok keluar masuk… pesawat televisi! Aku mulai kuatir karena ini bukan yang pertama kalinya aku berurusan dengan semut hitam di atas meja kerjaku. Entah kenapa mereka gemar bersarang di peralatan listrik. Pemilik rumahku yang mengatakan kalau semut hitam suka bersarang dibalik pengatur lampu dan bisa memadamkan aliran listriknya. Itu menakutkan. Aku terus mengamatinya dan semalam aku tidak tahan lagi. Aku menaburkan bubuk kapur anti semut disekitar peralatan listrikku dan ternyata mereka bersarang di termometer yang hanya berukuran sebesar pigura foto. Aku segera memindahkannya keluar jendela dan mengamati betapa ribuan semut keluar dari dalam alat ini. Mengerikan!

Pagi ini hal pertama yang aku lakukan adalah membersihkan mejaku dari kapur putih dan semut mati lalu menaburkan gerusan kapur baru di sepanjang jendela dan peralatan listrikku diatas meja. Mejaku jadi nampak aneh karena kelihatan seperti altar suku pedalaman dengan segala taburan kapur putihnya. Aku tidak mempunyai pilihan karena rumahku akan kosong sampai beberapa minggu ke depan. Aku tidak mau mereka menghuni peralatan listrikku waktu aku kembali.

Hidup dekat dengan alam memang banyak seninya terutama dalam kaitannya dengan hidup bersama binatang penghuni alamnya. Setiap saat ada kejutan menanti. Aku mengatakan pada kawanku yang baru satu tahun pindah ke Ubud dari Jakarta kalau jarang orang kota bisa bertahan hidup dalam gelap dan penuh kejutan dalam urusan binatang. Aku kadang-kadang keheranan karena aku yang dulu bersembunyi kalau mendengar bunyi tokek sekarang mampu berhadapan cukup dekat bahkan berkomunikasi. Aku juga tidak segan mengangkat ulat bulu dengan daun untuk mengenyahkannya dari sekitarku. Aku juga biasa membantu kupu-kupu, capung, atau lebah besar yang terperangkap dalam kamarku. Hal yang tidak kubayangkan bisa aku lakukan waktu aku masih hidup di Jawa.

Paragraf diatas aku tulis kemarin pagi. Seharian aku disibukkan oleh berbagai urusan sehingga tidak sempat mengunggahnya. Lucu juga aku sibuk di hari Minggu tetapi di Bali semua hari adalah hari Minggu dan semua hari adalah hari kerja. Sesudah menyelesaikan berbagai urusan, aku menyempatkan makan siang bersama pegawaiku Ayuk karena sudah lama kami tidak bercakap-cakap. Dia nampak cantik di usia kehamilan empat bulan. Aku turut senang untuknya.

Dan malam harinya aku makan malam bersama kawan lama dan kenalan baruku. Seperti yang selalu kualami, bertemu kenalan baru membawaku ke nuansa baru yang penuh inspirasi. Dunia seperti sedang berkonspirasi, kenalan baruku ini ayahnya berasal dari Filipina dan dia belum pernah mengunjungi tanah kelahiran ayahnya karena dia dilahirkan dan dibesarkan di Amerika. Jadilah kami banyak bercakap-cakap mengenai Filipina dimana dia jauh lebih memahami negara ini daripada aku yang sudah sering berkunjung. Aku terpana mendengar penuturan kisah hidupnya yang layak difilmkan karena spektakuler.

Di masa pensiunnya ini, dia berkarya batik di studionya dan dijual di Amerika. Tadinya aku mengira bisnis batiknya dalam skala produksi besar, ternyata tidak. Rata-rata order yang dia kerjakan berjumlah dibawah sepuluh per desain. Lagi-lagi aku terpana. Aku sering merasa apa yang aku lakukan ‘tidak cukup’ karena skalanya yang kecil seperti membuat kalung dan rencanaku membuat perhiasan perak. Aku malu. Seharusnya aku tidak perlu merasa seperti itu karena seberapapun skala yang kita kerjakan tentu memberi nilai bagi kemajuan kreativitas kita. Kreativitasku terasa mandeg karena aku tidak memacunya dalam skala berapapun yang aku mampu.

Perbincangan kami berlangsung seru sampai hampir tengah malam. Rumahnya hening dan redup sehingga waktu berjalan tanpa terasa. Aku merasa seperti tamu agung dijamu dengan masakan tuan rumah yang diolah selagi kami disana. Betapa banyaknya hal yang bisa kita petik dari mengenal orang.

Dalam skala kecil pun bisa nampak besar.

Hari yang menyenangkan dan membuatku sedih. Aku tidak jadi pergi meninjau sekolah yang dibantu oleh orang Amerika itu karena dia tidak menghubungiku. Aku senang karena aku sudah menyusun rencana untuk menyelesaikan hal-hal kecil yang mengganjalku sebelum melakukan perjalanan minggu depan.

Seperti bekerja di kantor, aku memulainya di pagi hari dan beruntung bisa menyelesaikannya sekitar jam lima sore. Pekerjaan administrasi bukan hal yang suka aku lakukan tetapi ada beberapa urusan yang tidak bisa aku hindarkan terutama bila berkaitan dengan bisnis bersama orang lain. Aku harus bekerja dengan rapi.

Aku juga menulis beberapa surat untuk tidak membiarkan beberapa isu mengambang di udara. Aku menyadari ada beberapa hal tidak bisa terus aku hindari karena pada satu titik aku harus menghadapinya juga. Aku memutuskan untuk menghadapinya sekarang. Dan benar, hatiku terasa ringan sesudah semua bola aku lempar ke ujung lainnya. Tugasku selesai dengan menghadapinya, bukan berpaling darinya.

Mejaku juga nampak rapih bersamaan dengan selesainya pekerjaan-pekerjaan rumah kecil yang harus aku kerjakan itu. Aku puas, seperti beban itu telah terangkat sebagian besar. Beberapa bulan terakhir ini aku sudah tahu cara mengatur ego dan emosi. Aku melepaskan hal-hal yang tidak penting dan berkaitan dengan hidupku sekarang dari kaitan ego dan emosiku. Aku berhasil dan sekarang rasanya semua menjadi tidak penting. Seperti kata slogan yang aku baca di belakang kaos seseorang di Sanur If can, can. If no can, no can. Aku masih suka membuat rencana yang di satu sisi bisa mengikatku tapi sekarang aku tahu perlunya mempunyai Rencana B sehingga aku tidak terikat dengan Rencana A. Aku senang dengan penemuanku yang tidak datang tiba-tiba ini.

Selagi aku menikmati akhir hariku yang indah, kawanku melemparkan bom. Kawan baikku yang tinggal di Manila ini sudah mengatakan padaku kalau karena tugas suaminya mereka akan segera pindah. Dua hari yang lalu dia memberitahu aku tanggal persisnya yaitu kurang dari dua bulan sejak sekarang. Hari ini dia memberitahu kalau pembantu yang telah ikut sejak hari pertama mereka pindah ke Manila dari Jakarta empat tahun yang lalu menangis seharian dan menghentak-hentakkan kakinya. Aku mengenal baik perempuan ini dan tiba-tiba aku merasa ingin menangis untuknya. Aku kena dampaknya! Aku jadi menangisi kepindahan kawanku ini. Tidak ada lagi runtang-runtung bersama bila aku menghabiskan waktu di Manila.

Bahkan sampai sekarang aku masih harus menenangkan diri dengan mengatakan kalau… hidup terus berlanjut!

Mungkin ogoh-ogoh ini bisa mewakili rasaku sekarang.