I packed up necklaces I plan to sell at discounted price last night. For packaging, a good friend suggested individual boxes instead of sheer pouches I have used since the beginning. I ordered quite a lot of boxes that turned out so neat. I was happy till I finished putting each necklace in a box and saw a stack of boxes. Not just that, each box has bubble sheet inside to keep the necklace in place during transporting, and to keep it clean… Ziplock helps!!

I am truly overwhelmed by the packaging. I feel not so good about it because putting the necklaces into individual boxes means creating… waste! I know my product is supposed to be presented in a nice way but how can I deal with this packaging dilemma? (You can actually Google packaging dilemma, it’s an issue these days.)

For me, even without excessive package, I am still going to buy stuff I like. I accept nice packaging if I buy for others as gift. Often I feel sorry to have to stop a shop from going into the procedure of packing stuff I bought. There’s a high-end batik shop in Jakarta that caters mostly Japanese so super nice packaging is necessary. The shop uses layers of recycled papers to wrap every piece that I respect it as part of presenting their exclusive product. What I do then is reuse the papers because I don’t have the heart to stop them from presenting an artwork to their customers. In this case, I cannot refuse, but I reuse. I hope my decision helps the world a bit.

It may sound odd but I decided to give my necklace-fans the choice of getting the necklace without box but sheer pouch. They can always use the pouch for storage. I’m trying to be good to the environment, not to exercise cost cutting. It has impact on the cost in the long run yes but that’s not my initial intention.

I am a forever tourist in Ubud, it seems. Whatever I wear, whatever I carry, whatever accent I speak, I look and act like tourist for Balinese. I don't mind because I admit I still see Ubud from tourist’s eyes. Been living here three years, I still take pictures a lot, anything I find on the way. And this noon, me and my good friend visited Puri Lukisan I hadn't been very long time. A sculptor from Mas shows his work with the help of an art organizer in Jakarta. It's a bit unusual since I don't quite see the business in organizing an exhibition without sales. I don't know, maybe I'm a novice in the industry.

The exhibition is super, and on top of enjoying the exhibition, it feels so good to know that I live in Ubud. I enjoyed the green garden with lotus pond with the beginner’s mind. Later over lunch, my Balinese friend told me that the local usually don't walk around in their own village. They go to other area if they want to relax. My friend could not find the reasons why. For me, there’s nothing wrong to be a tourist in my own town.

I spent all afternoon giggling with three girlfriends. We threw a get-together for a friend who is going to roam Europe for six weeks next week. We are truly happy for her as it is going to be her first time visiting Europe. And it’s good to have a netbook handy since many conversation topics lead to life in the net. Today we learned more about CouchSurfing; how to make a good profile as couchsurfer and how the network works. Amazing! How come the world shrunk into a netbook size?

The sculpture of Darlun.

I write to empty my mind
and to fill my heart.
Writing is easy:
just stare at the screen of your computer until a tear drops on your keyboard.
Paulo CoelhoCoelho is funny but I only agree with the first statement.

It’s sunny and raining alternately since morning. The sun is so promising that I want to hang my laundry in the sun. Just a minute after I prepare for taking the hanger out, the sun goes away, and heavy cloud reappears. So I stop because I don’t want to run rescuing the laundry from being wet. It’s the same tricky decision I have to make of when to wipe dry car! I didn’t have chance today.

My urge to write suffers the same on-off since a few days ago. When I scroll up the draft page, I can see some unfinished paragraphs I composed in different times and days. When I open my netbook, I can see other unfinished compositions. I was and maybe still am mati angin. Writer’s block? I don’t want to label. I cannot write. That’s all.

It’s a bit sad since I had fabulous weekend. It’s so nicely overwhelming to have met and spent time with many wonderful people in the course of two days. I spent all afternoon on Saturday at a good friend’s birthday celebration. There were twenty guests at the birthday get-together hosted by the host couple. It’s funny to observe how we are all connected. Have lived in three cities, I met friends from all three connections but mingled in the same pot in Ubud. Lately my friends and I often discussed about how we are all connected because we are becoming inquisitive about how large a network can be. Facebook has made the connection so transparent through that mutual friends box.

After the hilarious lunch with speeches, I had a chance to have a peek at our friend’s neighbor lives in a tent-house. They live side by side, sharing the same piece of land, only she built an Out-of-Africa-style tent that she actually lives in. I was awed by the idea of living ‘outside’ but inside. She lives a simple life that it's so simple to become not simple. Working with an NGO on environmental issues in NYC long time ago, she still has passion to keep the ideal of saving the world. She prepares her own soap made of klerak. She refuse, reuse, and recycle things. I admire. Her business is as sexy as the idea. She produces high quality stuff for traveling or surviving in jungle with style. Pure cotton, linen, and other organic materials in white or cream for bathrobe, mosquito net, slippers, laundry bag, and maybe tent also? Looks so pure and… in need of serious washing to remove stains after use. Now I sound so pessimistic. Not at all. I am big fan of her creation. I love white and I don’t mind stains as part of the elegant lifestyle.

So yes, I was so inspired by the idea of living in a tent! I gathered information of how to make it happen, I mean, how to build such! Maybe it’s time for me to splurge on an (I thought) impossible ideas. I understand Coelho’s say about if “you can dream, you can do” and "start moving, so I can start blessing" but yes… I have trapped myself into a scary unsureness about my ideas. So when a good friend, again, started doubting about my and others idea; I look at myself in the mirror. Who am I to judge him have let himself trapped in unsureness? Only, I’m unsure about my power, other may have difficulties in trusting others. Which one is better? None.

The past few days, I mingled quite often with a new friend from New Zealand. She reminded me of my young friend from Belgium I knew last year. They are about the same age and have similar spirit of life; it energizes and inspires me! The old soul trapped in the body of thirty year old. I need to mingle more with such fresh determined spirit yet fragile so I can learn and realize how human we are.

To close my mumbles, I have to record this. About last week or the week before, I saw a little black dog running into my compound in panic. He looked very thin then fragile. I thought he’s ready to die anytime. His skin looked not so good either. Strange that I felt I had connection with the dog (no, Facebook has nothing to do with this kind of connection). I told myself, if this dog is mine, he would sleep in my place. I have wanted to have a dog since long time but I cannot afford (emotionally) since I travel in a long period at a time.

I was not sure if I wanted the dog though because of the skin condition and rabies issue lately. Anyway, a few days later I noticed he wore a red-pink cord around his neck. Does somebody own him? Or, is he vaccinated already? Red cord on dogs’ neck is a code here. Good one! So yes, I find him sleeping on my doormat almost every night now although he ripped the mat off and one morning I found him with bones (that gosh I didn’t know whose!). And the good news is…

He barked at the girls from a warung delivered my lunch today! He is mine, he is mine!! Though virtually!

No, that’s not my dog. It’s Sy’s.

Sudah dua hari ini hujan turun seharian di Ubud. Kemarin aku melewatkan waktu berjalan kaki ke kota bersama kawan baikku. Dimulai dengan bersantap pagi, mengunjungi beberapa toko, dan berbelanja di pasar; dan diakhiri dengan santap siang yang panjang karena hujan deras datang dan pergi. Kebetulan rumah makan tempat kami bersantap siang nyaman jadi kami tidak keberatan untuk duduk lebih lama menikmati derasnya hujan. Hari sudah sore waktu kami tiba kembali di rumah dalam keadaan setengah basah. Aku menikmati berjalan kaki jauh belakangan untuk melatih jantung. Kegiatanku sehari-hari tidak terlalu melelahkan secara fisik.

Hari ini kembali hujan sejak dini hari. Badanku sulit diajak kerjasama karena suasana terasa muram. Beberapa orang senang menikmati hujan di rumah, aku juga bisa menikmati tapi aku merasa kurang kreatif dibandingkan bila aku merasakan hangatnya matahari. Ada beberapa hal yang masih belum aku kerjakan, setiap hari aku mengatakan masih ada beberapa hari sebelum bulan ini berakhir dan tidak terasa kalau tiga hari itu tidak lama. Itu pekerjaan yang mempunyai tenggat waktu, ada juga beberapa hal tanpa tenggat waktu yang masih dalam perencanaanku meskipun beberapa kawan sudah mulai menanyakan. Apalagi kalau bukan koleksi kalung karyaku.

Kalau hujan begini setiap hari, semua terasa lembab, terutama pakaian di lemari. Aku membuat pakta baru dengan diri sendiri sejak kemarin untuk menggilir pakaian di lemari, tidak hanya mengenakan pakaian yang baru dicuci atau yang berada di tumpukan paling atas. Kebiasaan kita semua. Karena lembab, semua barang di rumah mudah berbau tidak enak. Apalagi pakaian yang berada di dalam lemari. Dengan membiasakan memakai pakaian dari tumpukan paling bawah, aku memberi kesempatan yang sama pada pakaian-pakaian itu untuk dicuci dan dijemur.

Ada lagi yang membuat aku menggali pakaian ‘lama.’ Pesta! Besok aku akan menghadiri perayaan ulangtahun seorang kawan baik yang mengirim pesan kepada para undangan untuk memakai pakaian putih dengan sentuhan batik sedikit, atau pakaian batik dengan sentuhan putih sedikit. Aku kurang menyukai memakai pakaian ‘siap pakai,’ aku lebih suka menciptakan pakaian dari apa yang aku punya. Aku menemukan sarung polos dengan aksen jahitan bikinan India, tube penutup dada, dan jaket dari bahan yang sama dengan sarungnya. Semua berwarna putih. Selendang batik bisa aku pilih besok pagi. Semuanya sudah aku siapkan sekarang karena besok aku berencana mengikuti kelas yoga di pagi hari dan hanya mempunyai waktu satu jam untuk bersiap.

Jam berapa ini? Hujan baru berhenti.

Kucing di studio kawanku yang pelukis.

My sister went No sir!!! when I told her I want to go back to school. I know the commitment sounds big that it’s so unbelievable I will take. She is not the first who showed disbelief about my plan. Other good friend tried to give me different ideas if I need a ‘positive distraction.’ What’s wrong with going back to school? I haven’t found an answer yet.

Last week my good friend in Ubud told me with sparkle in his eyes about what his guru-ji told him. My friend wondered if he has done enough in life so asked his guru-cousin what he should do. His guru reminded him that he already has a good life other people want. He is already in the big sea of happiness, not in the narrow ditch finding way to the sea. His message is… Why don’t you just enjoy the ride? The calm ride of being in the big sea. I pondered about it.

I learned to sketch in a private gallery in the main road of Ubud all morning. I had planned to join since last week but only today I went with my new friend from New Zealand. It’s on the second floor of the gallery, bright but closed space. Of course, because we had a life model posing nude for some twelve participants. Heard the participants could go as many as thirty! I was surprised. I knew the model. British girl I often met in many occasions around Ubud. She just graduated from a teacher training for yoga. I admired.

Class hadn’t started yet but my friend already said she was not sure if she could stay till the end of three hours. Actually I was wondering about myself too. I have a short span of attention. Do anything, I cannot focus on the same thing for half hour or so. I can, if I am so much into it. I told my friend not to worry while I was telling myself the same. So we started the warm-up, five minute sketching at a time then break, four times. Then ten minute sketching at a time then break, three times. Then twenty minute sketching at a time then break, three times. Altogether made up three hours. Time just passed. My attention depleted an hour before the session ended. I did my best in the last hour. I enjoyed other participants’ work. They are regulars and looked professional. Some actually painted, not just sketched.

Like school girls came out of class, we felt free walking to our lunch. I was quite satisfied with my work today. The model has nice body that shows bold lines in my eyes. In such class, we don’t see nude body, we only see lines. I wondered if I can be a model. Got home I checked my body in the mirror, I don’t have bold lines because all are in smaller scale. Models for Botero must have rich lines! What an experience stretching self to do something I don’t usually do! Start with sketching, set modeling aside.

I got home late afternoon. I thanked my new friend who is still so young, so young she can be my daughter, for kicking me to join the class. We have arranged our next date. She already called me hot Mama! Merely because I often had hot ideas about hot things. She is just cute!

My sketches today.

How’s your weekend? My sister asked on her Monday late afternoon, my Tuesday morning. Weekend feels so far away already. It took time to recall what I did and felt about my last weekend. I told her that living in Bali, by myself, I don’t have weekend’s parameters. Like I often said: In Bali, everyday is weekend, everyday is working day. Cruising life on my own, I hardly feel what others are up to for the weekend.

What a morning with tying loose ends on personal matters! Made a birthday call and debt-collecting texts. I don’t enjoy debt collecting but really this time I decide to work on that seriously. It’s been almost three years a good friend simply forgets that he owes me a sum. I have been too lenient, I know. I just trusted whatever he told me when he’s going to pay back. In 2.5 years, he has paid back 20%. I’m not ready to wait for another ten years to get all paid. Even with interest, I’m not interested. Just pay me back now!

Anyway, a few weeks ago he promised to pay today. I texted him in the morning, a friendly reminder, and he texted me back saying he rescheduled it to the 1st of June and mid June. I didn’t reply but this time I will follow his promise closely. I will text him again on the 1st of June. I saw his old promise-texts that I keep in my cell phone, yes I was too lenient because I didn’t follow up. It’s my strength-cum-weakness that I always 100% trust whatever people promise me.

Good that I had a surprisingly nice day! Canceled my trip to Denpasar, I got a better trade. I was visiting my shop when my long time artist-friend stopped by. It was a big surprise since I hadn’t seen him two years although we live in the same village. He was chatty today that I liked! Often he was in the state of too much Campari that hardly made himself clear. I guess he had concern about my business. He talked about business these days and what we should do to make money, to be able to sell, if not this then that! What he said made sense to me and I liked when he said he believes in ‘making’! That’s what I thought lately. Making instead of just selling, because making differs you from the rest.

He continued his business speech when my good friend and I visited him in his studio after lunch. He looked so excited. He showed us his new pets (two cats and a long-hair dog) and his new creations that looked so fresh. I adore his work. Wish I had the space for his big painting that I love most. We stayed for another half hour. Really nice chat, I appreciate his care about my business. I admire his drive to keep his business going. He gave me his latest book before I walked out. I felt so good after this impromptu meeting. What a day!

Sy's work I love.

Ubud is raining in the morning after days with sun. It’s nice for a change but it also brings me into rrr… a pensive mood? It happens I don’t have plan to go out today, I’m well stocked and want to tie some loose ends at home. But writing comes first. Apparently.

I have been thinking about this the past days. Why people bother about differences among them? I read on NY Times this morning about colors (red and yellow) have divided a small town in northeastern Thailand. The town is small enough to know the color of their neighbor. It divides the society into two. They burned buildings because of hatred in their hearts. It’s so ironic that it happens to people who hold belief of ‘compassionate, sensible, detached, loving, humanitarian, responsible, and ethical’ in life. They are human anyway with both love and hatred living side by side.

I knew many people had become distant to each other in America during and short after the presidential election just because of the candidate they chose. It’s sad that a father stopped talking with his daughter because of their president. This is a true story, not a rumor!

That’s an example of a bigger scale issue, in the smaller side, I observed the emotion among my friends on Facebook. Differences on point of view have separated some friends. They stop ‘befriending’ on Facebook and both parties don’t show compassion of other’s choice. It’s sad! I told a friend the other day that even Facebook is also like a belief. It's challenging to discuss about a belief because we are simply different, and it should be fine! That’s when I prefer to be a good listener in a hot discussion on politics, religion, or… Facebook! I respect all the differences we have. It’s nice to be in diversity actually, it enriches me in many ways.

I got company to join sketching with life model at a private gallery in Ubud on Wednesday morning. Although, I will go anyway, with or without company but I'm excited! It’s nice to anticipate spending time with this adventurous girl from New Zealand. I skipped this weekly session last week because of a breakfast-date with a girlfriend I hadn’t seen long time. This week I said no to her proposition to do again because I must join the session. The idea of attending for the first time has already fired me up that I will start gathering my stuff for the session and make a collage, if possible, today. I’m a bit relaxed about my necklace-project since a friend brought quite a bunch of my collection to Switzerland. I don’t have much left to deal here.

My week is already occupied by appointments and activities. I’m excited to anticipate each item. After three weeks residing back in Ubud, my wheel starts turning.

My old collage depicting me and the sun.

It’s Sunday. It feels like Sunday. I got up very early, feeling sore from yoga yesterday but unexpectedly happy without reason. So I cruised the day between both feelings: sore and happy. It’s sunny and that adds to my happiness. I still love my house, like yesterday. I move a few things in the house to make it more comfortable. Sometimes we need to change after hosting because then we know what should not or should be there. The tall pedestal behind the seater is often hit by hands. I rarely sat there so didn’t realize.

I also managed a row of shoes near the front door. It dawned on me the other day that the color might change because of the morning sun that shines through the front door. I got the idea to put them in black string-bags. I have them made and this morning I put them in the bag. It looks neat but at the same time it may stay there forever since I won’t take time to check out the bag before leave house. Forever flip-flop then.

I spent the rest of the day cleaning backlog of emails that close ones might not believe I have. I have, not just backlog but also emails I need to compose. I have some minors issues that need my ‘touch’ otherwise it bogs my mind constantly. It’s almost done, one more that needs a nice writing.

And, I spent the rest of the rest of the day waiting for friends who planned to visit at 15:00. I made myself ready an hour before like often. She rescheduled to 1.5 hours later, and three hours later I still didn’t have idea. It’s part of learning about people’s rhythm. It’s my first time making appointment at home with her after numerous successful lunch or dinner dates. Now I know. I still have Jakarta attitude in many ways. I often show up way too early because I miscalculate time I spend on the way. Or, I simply thought we have to be on time. Some Jakartan refugees told me they also suffered from time-mismanagement the first few years living in Bali. People are more casual here, not just the Asian, but also the foreigners. We all blend into the culture. Dali rubber-time.

I went to party with poi playing tonight. It was nice but the crowd didn’t mix well, I feel. There were young and senior groups, and I was in… between! I felt a bit out not knowing how to start a conversation. My young friend was so funny. She said… Why don’t you say Hi, I’m a p*rn star! ? She guaranteed crowd of all ages would be interested to know more. We had a hilarious exchange after that! My two friends. Without them, I would have escaped the party.

In the sad part of the day, my favorite jewelry designer passed away on the 24th of April and I just knew this evening. I talked with his wife that still cried when talking about him. For years I feel like I have lived with him because I wear his creation every single day. I have quite a range of his works. My thought is with his wife and staffs, they are lovely people. And of course with his soul, I’m glad I had crossed his path. That I had the chance to meet him several times and spend time with him in his workshop last year. I will keep wearing his jewelry for the memory of a nice person.

The garden in the back of a well-known yoga studio.

I love my house, I love my house, I love my house. I mumbled while moving around the house this morning. That’s my ‘status’ I wrote in my heart. I just love my house! Maybe because it’s still tidy from Wednesday when I had two good friends coming over and I don’t let it spoiled again by disciplining self to tidy up after doing something. I could do it actually but I also know it might not stay long since I like to do many things in a day, keep changing, keep moving, plus chores I postpone to do. Anyway,…

I had really nice morning. I joined yoga at a well-known yoga studio. My friend recommended this forrest yoga, a class every Saturday, that I found it cool! I loved it, not just because of the yoga but because of meeting friends and new friends. We had really nice hilarious chat over brunch after yoga. It’s an interesting discussion. I always admire young persons who travel the world to find what they want to do in life. My new friend wants to take yoga teacher training but had to postpone it till August because she injured her shoulder. NZ origin, she stays in Ubud doing many things to fill her time. But I liked to hear she feels she hasn’t done enough in using her time. It sounds familiar! I told her that I am in the same stage now. The same feeling of not doing enough.

And, writing journal has become topic of discussion with my friends this week. I found out many like the idea of journaling and sharing it via blog but not many have the… (can I say?) discipline to do. I once told a girlfriend that I will not care about my online journal if I’m not around anymore. She disagreed. She believed whatever experiences I had must have touched people I met in any walk of life so archiving is a good idea. But true, we never know to where life will take us. I’m finishing a well-known porn star’s biography the past days. She wrote the biography (together with a writer) based on her narration also her diary when she was a kid. The book is so interesting because then we know why somebody chooses a profession later in life, especially special profession like she has. So yes, the discussion has confirmed me that I have been in the right track. Write, write, write…

It’s Hari Raya Kuningan today. Ubud looked so quiet yet merry. Rich decoration with dominant yellow. I enjoyed seeing people in baju adat walking to pura carrying tall offerings on dulang or in baskets. Vehicles were also decorated with janur and even some were still with offerings with smoky incense on its hoods. My car underwent such blessing last year. Now I only had my house and merajan in the garden blessed. I feel blessed enough on this blessed day!

Offering on my car's hood on Hari Raya Kuningan last year.